I wanted to wait until I finished my first official full time week before I wrote this but…I just can’t wait. (wrote this around 3:30pm)
Where to start? This week has been a huge learning experience. I have a new found respect for people that work a 9 - 5 without a flexible boss. It’s draining. The feeling of not having time to run errands, grab dinner and sleep enough to be rested for the daily grind is tough. I’m going to reiterate that I have worked full time hours before but never under my current circumstances. I was logging nearly 30 hours a week before so the workload isn’t that much heavier but the ten to fifteen hour difference has been taxing. I could use the money (very much) so I cannot complain.
This week has pretty much backed my feelings on wanting the luxury of making my own schedule when I get older. It has reminded me not to give up. It has given me the boost I needed to continue on my own path and finish what I have started. I really needed that reminder. The constant headache of bills, work, school and repeat is a scary whirlwind to get caught up in when you’re not seeing immediate (or many) results. It puts you in a negative spot that is hard to climb out of and think anything but the worst. It stresses you out completely and makes you want to stay in bed all day and let life just pass without any effort because when you do put in the effort and you’re not getting results, you wonder what you’re working so hard for? It isn’t easy. It’s stressful. When you’re going through the school system, no one ever tells you that those dreams to be a doctor, fire fighter or ballerina might not ever come true. You’re given false hope to drive you to accomplish things along your path and when you get to a point where you find something else that captivates your mind, you pounce. You shift that energy to what it is that interests you, seems profitable or that you enjoy doing and you work for it. This “light bulb moment” isn’t set in stone. It could happen when you’re 23 or 57. It could happen more than once. And the most frightening, it could not happen at all. The point being, there are obstacles put into your path to test your will power. You are given opportunities in disguise that help mold your character and expose you to things that you would’ve never considered. Most importantly, you meet people that can offer their experiences. Whether they are negative or positive, you learn from their accomplishments or set backs. It reminds you that happiness and regret are both harsh realities but you still have the opportunity to make your situation better without forgetting that it won’t be easy. Then again, what has ever been easy?
Cesar, started summer classes this week and although I was a little reluctant to believe that he’d pull it off (not because he isn’t intelligent, he is. He has a great mind but he is a Class A procrastinator). He proved me wrong. I’m not the biggest fan of being proved wrong BECAUSE I KNOW EVERYTHING…BLAH BLAH BLAH…but in cases like this, in the personal advancement of my loved ones, I totally back it and accept being proven wrong with open arms. It reminded me that I still have work to do. It reminded me that I will never gain a degree without going back and working for it. His enthusiasm reminded me that I have classes that need to be taken and that taking the summer off wasn’t a waste of time. I was so amped that I even scoped the course selection and jotted down what I hope to take during the fall. I fed off of his energy and used it to my advantage. I love him in many ways but his tenacity, his will to become something is something I deeply admire. I’m thankful that he has a good head on his shoulders and that in challenging himself, he challenges me. I have no doubt that he is going to succeed because he’s too stubborn to quit.
Lastly, I have this crazy energy today. It could have something to do with the fact that I worked the full week and I have the weekend off. It could be because of all that I learned or remembered this week. It could be because I get to see Cesar tomorrow (18 hours). Or it could be because I’m doing something to progress. The reality is that all of the above are contributing to this optimism. My current state of mind is all that I need. I’m determined, I’m blissful and I’m happy…I have many reasons to smile.