Lately, the days just pass me by. I try to remember a day where I have willingly wanted to accomplish something, hell even DO something, and I can’t recall anything. I feel like I’ve lost my drive but the more that I think of it, I wonder if that drive ever really existed.
I kinda just feel like I’m going with the motions instead of actively making decisions for the betterment of whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing.
I’m getting older and I don’t really have much to show for myself. I’m still in college even though I “should’ve” finished four years ago. I don’t really see the point of it anymore. I’m enrolled and I’ll give it a half-assed attempt but other than wanting to have a diploma, I don’t really ever see myself using it.
Maybe I’ve stacked up my cons higher than my pros because I’m looking for a reason to quit and do something else with my time and (little) money.
I guess I just don’t want to sit here at thirty and have the same doubts that I have now at twenty-five and that I also had at twenty.
What’s it gonna take for me to get out of this mindset? I feel like I’ve wasted all this time.
My Accounting professor is nice but he can’t teach. This is only the the second time we’ve met for class this semester because of weather cancellations and MLK day. We have so much material to cover and he spends the lot of our three hour class time learning how to use the projector among other electronics. It’s frustrating and he lets us out early when he because he doesn’t want to teach too late. Guess what man, I’m paying over a grand so you can teach me something useful toward my career. So far it’s a bunch of vocabulary terms and deviation from the subject. This has to get better.
My neighbors had two spots saved in front so I moved some chairs and parked there. They left a cut open five gallon water jug on the hard top of my Jeep. I hope my shit isn’t on cinder blocks tomorrow. They act like I don’t know where they live.
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My mom just left to the airport and weathering permitting, she should be in Mexico later today. We got news that my 111-year-old (he could be a few years older but in Mexico my great grandparents registered him late because they were from a very small town so we don’t know for sure. We go by his registration date) grandfather passed on yesterday.
I still don’t know how I feel about it. On one hand I’m sad because I’ll never get to see him again, I’ll never get to hug him again and I’ll never hear him call me by the nickname “la rata” ever again. I’ll never hear him tell the story about how I tugged on my mom’s dress and told her “nos tenemos que ir de aquí, porque aquí está de la chingada” after I heard another family member say it when I was just a little over a year old.
For someone that was so up there in age, he sure had a good memory. I hadn’t seen him in person since I was twelve but I spoke to him on the phone when my mom would call quite frequently. Half the stories I’ve heard from him and the other half I’ve heard of him are hard to believe but he lived an interesting and adventurous life. I’m gonna miss him but at least I know that he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.
Before my mom left I remembered that I had a couple pesos left over from when I went to Guadalajara in August for my grandmother’s funeral. I wish I could’ve gone to Durango with her but I just didn’t have the money this time.
All my grandparents have now passed on and it got me thinking that although I knew them all, I didn’t have the closest relationship with them all. I’d love for my kids to have a close relationship with my parents. Thats a few years off but still on my mind nonetheless.
Es verdad lo que dicen, usted estaba hecho de la madera de antes. Lo voy a extrañar abuelito Mariano. Lo quiero mucho.
Classes are cancelled tomorrow! Thank you, polar vortex.
But, really, this will be my fourth week of school and we’ve only met up for this class once. We’ve had classes cancelled because of weather twice, last week was MLK day and we only meet Mondays. If I didn’t have a background knowledge of accounting, thanks to my job, I’d be worried.
One of the hardest things is getting kicked down when you’re already at your lowest by someone that you expected to bring you up.
That’s why people put guards up.
I’m kinda happy that I’m going to have something to occupy my time. Maybe I’ve been neglecting myself. Maybe I’ve been forgetting
I didn’t go to work today. I called in and slept all day. In hindsight, if the weather wasn’t so frigid and I wasn’t afraid of getting stranded, I wouldn’t have minded working.
Also, today was supposed to be my first day of classes but they were cancelled and in the afternoon I got word that tomorrow’s classes are cancelled as well.
I’m looking forward to the semester because I want to challenge myself in taking a full class and work load for the first time but at the same time I’m worried about doing well with the drastic change in schedule and taxing toll it will take financially. I guess I’m getting ahead of myself a bit but they’re my main concerns.
I’m truly dreading the continuing dismal temperatures of tomorrow and driving to work. I hope I’m able to squeeze in extra hours though. I’m gonna need them.
I didn’t get an rosca today but my dad and two of my nieces both had a piece and it looks like they’ll be making tamales for February 2nd.
I wish bubba was awake. 😑
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It’s -6 degrees with a wind chill of -29 and I just went out and shoveled a parking spot for my sister. I can’t feel my fingertips.
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What an eventful day. I’m glad I got a bit of my worries put to rest. I’m not completely out of the water but it’s enough to let me breathe.
I drank around 80 oz of coffee yesterday and perhaps it wasn’t the wisest idea under these particular circumstances. What’s done is done and it’s only slightly regretted.
I took my phone to the Genius Bar to get it checked before my AppleCare expired and I got a new iPhone. It was a hardware issue. I’m glad I was able to take advantage of it.
Yesterday was a sneak peek of what the next four months will be like. I know it’ll be tough at times but as long as we communicate, everything will be okay.
I wish I would’ve stayed. It’s gonna be a long night.
I hope I don’t have to move the beast tomorrow but if I do, it won’t be too bad. Thank you for the gesture.
I really wish I could’ve stayed.
I’m nervous about today. I hope all goes well.
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Starting off 2014 with $3 hard cash and $10 in credit.
Life got me fucked up.
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I wish we could’ve stayed in bed all day. Waking up entangled with you is one of my favorite things.
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I got my first service engine light today and I troubleshot for a bit with my newly acquired Google mechanic skills. 🚙💨 I didn’t fix it though. I’ll give it another shot tomorrow. Hopefully it isn’t something I have to take it into the shop for…
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I hate not being able to give gifts on Christmas. I love giving them and seeing the faces of the people I love and care for the most, light up. I know the meaning of Christmas and spending time with my family was nice but I wish I could’ve done more this year. I didn’t even contribute a dish for dinner. That was a bummer as well.
My family came over for a few hours but everyone left before midnight. I should be happy I had the chance to see them at all but I’m not accustomed to a quiet house during the holidays.
The morning zoomed by and I’m glad I got out of the house for a bit. I don’t know if it’s the change of weather or what but I’ve been having flu-like symptoms for the last couple of days and today they hit the worst.
I feel like a Debbie Downer. I honestly don’t want to be.
I hope you all had a nice Christmas Eve and are able to make the most of the rest of today.
Don’t drink diner coffee right before bed.
I just wanna sleep, bruv!
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