I haven’t had plans for the weekend in a long time. I kind of just go with the flow. Today I’m gonna go to a pumpkin farm in the afternoon and to dinner with two of my sisters in the evening. I’d be more excited if I wasn’t exhausted.
Also, planning a baby shower is hard you guys. I’m gonna need at least two years until my sisters are allowed to give me a new niece or nephew.
I also haven’t updated here much aside from my Instagram feed uploads but I’m gonna try and get back into it.
Since Cesar doesn’t check tumblr anymore it makes it easier to share date ideas. It’s been a rough couple months with bills and adjusting to changing schedules but I don’t want to neglect the days we have to remove ourselves from all of that, if only, for a little while.
I remember the days when I had a good amount of disposable income but we didn’t spend anything aside from transit fare because most of our dates were exploring the city. Now, that I have less money to spend aside from bills, I feel that every time I breathe I waste money. I’m not gonna say growing up is hard, it’s a challenge adjusting to new responsibilities sure l but they’re necessities and I can’t disregard their importance.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to find that place where we had fun but didn’t break the bank. It’s nice to splurge on activities here and there but it doesn’t have to leave us eating pb&j for the rest of the week.
Some days just knock you down. The unexpected moments and the scrambling to regroup take close to everything out of you. On the the other hand, after the initial scare, you learn how to react to new things even if they’re undesirable. You realize that you can handle more than you ever thought…
My niece chose me to be her godmother for her confirmation tonight. I’m honored but at the same time intimidated by it. I guess you could say that I’ve been struggling with my faith recently.
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I’d explain how good it feels to listen to this album while driving with my windows down in my jeep on a misty morning but I’ve already said too much…
I went to do a massive amount of laundry with Cesar tonight. The first time at the laundromat together since the machines went out. I’m pooped.
Lately, the days just pass me by. I try to remember a day where I have willingly wanted to accomplish something, hell even DO something, and I can’t recall anything. I feel like I’ve lost my drive but the more that I think of it, I wonder if that drive ever really existed.
I kinda just feel like I’m going with the motions instead of actively making decisions for the betterment of whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing.
I’m getting older and I don’t really have much to show for myself. I’m still in college even though I “should’ve” finished four years ago. I don’t really see the point of it anymore. I’m enrolled and I’ll give it a half-assed attempt but other than wanting to have a diploma, I don’t really ever see myself using it.
Maybe I’ve stacked up my cons higher than my pros because I’m looking for a reason to quit and do something else with my time and (little) money.
I guess I just don’t want to sit here at thirty and have the same doubts that I have now at twenty-five and that I also had at twenty.
What’s it gonna take for me to get out of this mindset? I feel like I’ve wasted all this time.
My Accounting professor is nice but he can’t teach. This is only the the second time we’ve met for class this semester because of weather cancellations and MLK day. We have so much material to cover and he spends the lot of our three hour class time learning how to use the projector among other electronics. It’s frustrating and he lets us out early when he because he doesn’t want to teach too late. Guess what man, I’m paying over a grand so you can teach me something useful toward my career. So far it’s a bunch of vocabulary terms and deviation from the subject. This has to get better.
My neighbors had two spots saved in front so I moved some chairs and parked there. They left a cut open five gallon water jug on the hard top of my Jeep. I hope my shit isn’t on cinder blocks tomorrow. They act like I don’t know where they live.
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My mom just left to the airport and weathering permitting, she should be in Mexico later today. We got news that my 111-year-old (he could be a few years older but in Mexico my great grandparents registered him late because they were from a very small town so we don’t know for sure. We go by his registration date) grandfather passed on yesterday.
I still don’t know how I feel about it. On one hand I’m sad because I’ll never get to see him again, I’ll never get to hug him again and I’ll never hear him call me by the nickname “la rata” ever again. I’ll never hear him tell the story about how I tugged on my mom’s dress and told her “nos tenemos que ir de aquí, porque aquí está de la chingada” after I heard another family member say it when I was just a little over a year old.
For someone that was so up there in age, he sure had a good memory. I hadn’t seen him in person since I was twelve but I spoke to him on the phone when my mom would call quite frequently. Half the stories I’ve heard from him and the other half I’ve heard of him are hard to believe but he lived an interesting and adventurous life. I’m gonna miss him but at least I know that he doesn’t have to suffer anymore.
Before my mom left I remembered that I had a couple pesos left over from when I went to Guadalajara in August for my grandmother’s funeral. I wish I could’ve gone to Durango with her but I just didn’t have the money this time.
All my grandparents have now passed on and it got me thinking that although I knew them all, I didn’t have the closest relationship with them all. I’d love for my kids to have a close relationship with my parents. Thats a few years off but still on my mind nonetheless.
Es verdad lo que dicen, usted estaba hecho de la madera de antes. Lo voy a extrañar abuelito Mariano. Lo quiero mucho.
Classes are cancelled tomorrow! Thank you, polar vortex.
But, really, this will be my fourth week of school and we’ve only met up for this class once. We’ve had classes cancelled because of weather twice, last week was MLK day and we only meet Mondays. If I didn’t have a background knowledge of accounting, thanks to my job, I’d be worried.
One of the hardest things is getting kicked down when you’re already at your lowest by someone that you expected to bring you up.
That’s why people put guards up.
I’m kinda happy that I’m going to have something to occupy my time. Maybe I’ve been neglecting myself. Maybe I’ve been forgetting
I didn’t go to work today. I called in and slept all day. In hindsight, if the weather wasn’t so frigid and I wasn’t afraid of getting stranded, I wouldn’t have minded working.
Also, today was supposed to be my first day of classes but they were cancelled and in the afternoon I got word that tomorrow’s classes are cancelled as well.
I’m looking forward to the semester because I want to challenge myself in taking a full class and work load for the first time but at the same time I’m worried about doing well with the drastic change in schedule and taxing toll it will take financially. I guess I’m getting ahead of myself a bit but they’re my main concerns.
I’m truly dreading the continuing dismal temperatures of tomorrow and driving to work. I hope I’m able to squeeze in extra hours though. I’m gonna need them.
I didn’t get an rosca today but my dad and two of my nieces both had a piece and it looks like they’ll be making tamales for February 2nd.
I wish bubba was awake. 😑
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It’s -6 degrees with a wind chill of -29 and I just went out and shoveled a parking spot for my sister. I can’t feel my fingertips.
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