I stopped by to get a venti blond roast this morning. I haven’t had an actual black coffee before work in weeks. I’ve been having mostly vanilla iced coffee with soy because its been hot out. It’s in the sixties today (I know, mid-June, what I treat) so I opted for something warm. It was most delicious.
I just had a banana and I feel my bowels loosened up. Way to fuck up.
I tried calling my mom this morning but my cousin told me she was out with my aunt. I’m glad she’s enjoying her visit to Mexico but I miss her and I wish she was here.
I forgot my charger at home so I went seven hours without my phone. I forgot the feeling of restlessness in not being able to connect. I wrote a lot. I haven’t written that much in a while. It helped.
I’ve been awake for two days now. My body feels weak. My mind has no desire to shut off for a moment. My eyes ache and when I intentionally shut them it doesn’t really aid in sleeping.
I read over a few pieces I’ve written in the last three years and I noticed a trend. I was oblivious to it for the longest. It makes sense now.
I saw some things today that made me worry. I need to further investigate.
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It’s been roughly one day and I can’t say that the thought doesn’t hurt as much as it did yesterday. Everything leading up to that moment has shaken me and I’m nowhere near fully functioning.
There is a particular feeling you get when you feel like you’re loved. It’s like you’re the only one in the room. It’s a whirlwind of emotion. That feeling when you embrace, it’s almost as if you’re safe. For that moment, nothing else matters. I could live in that moment forever.
I’m not the only one in the room. Was I ever? I’m good enough to be. I wanted to be. For a long time I thought I was. I didn’t think that after everything I wouldn’t be taken seriously. After all I put up with…I was naive to think that. I was foolish to let my guard down.
I’m disappointed. I’m enraged. I’m exhausted. I’m hurt.
What happens to all the plans? All the promises?
I’ve eaten like complete shit the last two days. I can feel all that potato in my brain.
I did laundry for my family yesterday. We had so much clothes. My mom’s in Mexico visiting my grandfather so I pitched in with my sister.
You can get the latest bootleg and a Latin American pastry while washing your dirty shit. That whole business is alive and well. Also, did you know that people hangout at the laundromat for the hell of it? There was an old man constantly “checking” an empty machine next to my folding table but I think he was just peeking at my bras. Weird.
My nephews have been over quite a bit since they got out for summer vacation. They bang on my door at 6 am daily. At least I’ve been getting out of bed earlier.
I miss my mom. Friday cannot come any sooner.
I don’t have much else to share. I have a few things floating around in my mind but I haven’t made sense of them yet. I’ll keep those quiet until I can make proper use of them.
I’m glad it’s Friday. I need a break.
I’m starting to understand how certain things in life work. It hasn’t been easy and with the little knowledge I’ve gained it’ll continue to be an uphill battle.
Cutting out people from my life has become less and less difficult. If you take me for granted, it won’t be hard to for me to walk away. I don’t need someone in my life that doesn’t value having me in theirs.
Perhaps, my biggest fault is posting my daily occurrences on display.xf
Every time I feel like I’m moving forward, life just reminds me that I shouldn’t get too excited.
My mom has only been gone for less than a day and I miss her already. She had to make an emergency trip to Mexico because my 109 year old abuelito is sick. I hope my grandpa’s spirits get better while she’s out there because out of thirteen kids, I know she’s the favorite.
I’m debating whether to order something to eat or just fall asleep and have something tomorrow. I’m beat.
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Sleep, let’s be friends. If not, I can totally start rewatching Breaking Bad again. That’s totally cool.
I shouldn’t look forward to weekends so much. Things always have a way of going sour. Happy Anniversary.
My sister graduated from the police academy this evening and I couldn’t be more proud. This has been a dream of hers ever since she was a little girl and I’m so happy that she accomplished her goal. To the city she’s a cop but to me she’s still my little older sister that I can bust her balls.
I think I’m bad luck. Two of the cars I was in this week overheated and had to be out of commission for a bit. I haven’t been nearly enough of an asshole to warrant this claim but I’ll stick by it.
One more work day and I’m off for the weekend. I’m tired but eager for another day off.
I’m back on my iron pills. Those are the roughest things I’ve ever had to ingest. With the GERD and all, they wreck my stomach and give me the absolute worst nausea but my iron deficiency isn’t something I dig.
My room is a sauna and it’s raining outside. This fan isn’t doing the trick.
I’m done complaining. In other news, I finished two seasons of breaking bad in four days. I can’t get enough.
I’m gonna scroll through Instagram until my eyes get heavy. #party
It was fairly cold for a Memorial Day this year. The last few years have been hot and my family always decides to go to the beach but I usually opt out because I always have my period on this weekend. I didn’t have my period this year and it was freezing out. I can never win.
I had a cookout with my family and had the chance to talk to a neighbor that I haven’t seen in years. My dad invited him over and we all caught up. Time flies.
I ate way too much. I’m regretting overindulging. I got a sore throat from trying to be a champ in a sweater outside.
Tomorrow I return to work after five days off. I’m gonna miss this.
Well, damn its been a busy last few days. I could probably sleep all of tomorrow, you know, if my body would allow me to sleep.
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