"when I fly solo, I fly so high"
The weather’s been bad for a few days now and I’m just lucky the insulation was fixed before the drop in temp. I didn’t mind missing out on snow during the holidays because January & February are usually the tough winter months. I’m just thankful we didn’t have to deal with dibs during Christmas. We have a few more below zero days this week and after that the weather looks more manageable.
Waking up for the gym at the crack of dawn isn’t bad when it’s just snow but when it’s -10, that throws my ass off. With snow, I have to add 20 mins to my commute and with the negative temps I have to add 40 extra minutes. Either way, I feel balanced when I start off my days with working out so I hope the roads are safe enough to go. It finally feels like a natural part of my routine and I’m glad I’m at this point.
It’s been busy the first few days of January. Sadly, I missed out on a great opportunity because of bad timing. I’ll be honest, I’m still sad about it. It could’ve opened new doors for me but I would’ve had to rearrange a few areas of my life to make it happen. I take solace in knowing that even greater things are out there and maybe this one just wasn’t meant for me. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. I 85% believe that to be true now, but not there completely. It’s still fresh. I’m giving myself a little grace.
Two of my sisters are hitting milestone birthdays this year and they’re two weeks apart. The stress of planning and ensuring they have a good birthday is starting to creep up. Birthdays are a big thing for me.
That’s it for now.
xf 01.14.2024
A few days into 2024 and I’m adjusting to my ins and outs for the year. I’ll be honest, I’ve slipped up a bit so far but decided it’s the free trial week. I’ll start on the 7th instead and take it from there. I’m not going to stress myself out if I slip up here and there but I think these things will genuinely have a positive impact on my life.
I started listening to a new book and I’ll share the name and my thoughts on it when I finish but it kinda ties into change. How we are ultimately responsible for making the changes needed toward reaching our potential. It sounds obvious because it is, but sometimes we need that nudge as a reminder.
It’s also the year of the dragon. Aver si me trae un poco de suerte. Ojalá y si. Les dejo mis disque propósitos para el año nuevo. Échenme porras.
ins
- going to therapy
- work/life balance
- effective communication
- getting my CAPM certification
- taking my iron supplement regularly
- punctuality
- budgeting
- going out more
- hitting my daily protein/ nutrition goals
- 8-10k steps daily
- travel
- FaceTime
- accepting invitations to go out
- read at least 5 books (not counting audible)
- taking a new class/ picking up a new hobby
outs
- impulsive spending
- unnecessary subscriptions
- uber eats / take out
- excessive screen time
- the need to control everything
- holding back on things I want
- over analyzing things that I cannot change
- procrastination
xf 01.04.2024
Saw The Iron Claw over the weekend and it hit hard. As someone with multiple siblings, hearing that “I used to be a brother and now I’m not a brother anymore” line was rough. Then I saw the Dark Side of The Ring “The Last of The Von Erichs” and heard the actual quote from Kevin Von Erich was “I used to have five brothers, now I’m not even a brother.” That was devastating.
There’s something special about coming from a big family. The bond is different. Of course there are disagreements and fights but we all gravitate toward each other sooner or later. It’s true what Kevin Von Erich said when asked what he liked to do with his brothers and he pretty much said anything as long as they’re together. That’s kind of the best way to describe having siblings.
As sad as the film was, it did a great job representing that sibling bond. Zac Efron did an incredible job. He portrayed Kevin Von Erich well. I would have loved to see him play the role of Kerry Von Erich so we could have had a little more insight into his life. He was definitely fit for that role and could’ve done a great job but none of the other actors could’ve played Kevin’s role the way Zac did. His training must’ve been insane for this film because he was ripped. I liked the picture of Kevin and his big family at the end. He seemed like a family oriented guy that cared for his brothers more than his parents. Their dad’s name was also unfortunate, to me, personally ngl.
Speaking of siblings, the holidays were different this year. As we get older, everyone has different schedules and responsibilities so it’s hard to plan family get-togethers. Most of my sisters have their own families now and I love the additions of my nieces and nephews but there’s just a different feeling when it’s just us sisters. The conversations sound unhinged because we say one word and everyone immediately starts laughing because we’re all on the same page. We glance over to our brothers-in-law and they’re either laughing because they’re trying to keep up with what’s happening and can’t or they just look confused. Either way, they understand that sibling time together is eventful. A few of them have been in the family long enough to be in on a few jokes. There’s even a sense of pride when they share something and they get us all to laugh.
The film was centered on family and family is important to me. It keeps me grounded. It makes me feel loved and cared for in a way other relationships and friendships haven’t. The love and support isn’t transactional, it isn’t manipulative and it doesn’t root against you. I’m blessed to have them, honestly.
tl;dr: The Iron Claw made me cry and appreciate my family.
xf 01.02.2024
I heard the sad news that The Thompson Center was bought by Google and they plan to gut the iconic interior facade and the atrium. Such a bummer to hear because that place holds so many memories of my teens and twenties. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to pay my respects so this afternoon I took my old CTA route and paid it a final visit. It’s currently open for viewing as part of the biennial exhibit running through the end of December.
It was nostalgic. I was instantly transported to another time. A time where I felt like all I needed was my bus card and a few bucks in my pocket. A time full of adventures just by leaving the house. I miss that time and that version of myself. That entire building holds dear memories.
I hung out there for a few hours reminiscing and playing all the music that defined that time period for me. There were a few tourist groups that walked in while I was there so I got to hear a bit of the historical info.
The Thompson Center looked amazing as usual. I took a bunch of pictures and while I was there, a guy approached me to show me a panoramic picture he took. He offered to take one of me as well and he went all out. Lol He got on the ground and got an amazing panoramic shot of me and the interior facade. Such a sweet gesture and a nice last memory of TTC. I love Chicago!
It was bittersweet seeing it in-person one last time. Felt like a chapter in my life was closing and I wasn’t ready. That’s life though, you make plans and sometimes they don’t pan out despite our best efforts.
I’m curious to see Google’s renovations to the space but it won’t be ready until 2026. I hope the Clark & Lake CTA station also gets a little upgrade too.
xf 12.29.2023
Post with 2 notes
I haven’t been to mass in over a year and for the past six-ish years I usually only attend las mañanitas para el dia de la virgen de Guadalupe. This year was different. I was about to set my alarm for las mañanitas last night and I was told the church my family attends doesn’t have morning mass anymore. I thought it was a sign that maybe she didn’t want me there. Lol jokes aside, idk why I felt I needed to attend a mass for her this year regardless of the time.
I went to la misa de las rosas in the evening with my parents. They introduced me to all their friends and they were so excited that I decided to join them. It was nice and I’m happy I was able to spend time with them.
The whole mass etiquette bit came back like muscle memory. During the homily, the priest spoke about tenderness and machismo. He mentioned that you have to allow tenderness to be a part of your daily life and not let aggression control your actions. He also mentioned that the dads in the crowd were most likely brought up to think that being “tiernos” made them weak. He said, “enséñenle a sus hijos ternura. No tienen que ser tan fríos con ellos por que ellos siguen en sus pasos y ellos salen al mundo cargando esa frialdad.” What a message to hear sitting with my dad. I had so many thoughts that I wanted to share with my dad following that mass but I’ll save them for another day.
As I get older, I’ve realized that I take so many things for granted. The holidays usually bring out hopefulness and happiness for me but this year’s been a rollercoaster. Life hasn’t been the way I’d hoped or imagined but I have to live in the moment and stop dwelling on the past and stressing about the future. What’s for me will find me or I’ll find it when the time comes.
Feliz día virgencita! Gracias por cuidarnos y guiarnos.
xf 12.12.2023
Post with 1 note
My cousin got married over the weekend. It’d been a long time coming. We always had the running jokes of “you’re next” at family parties and “you’re getting old” on birthdays. (To be fair, I am older than him by like five months. Lol) Throughout the last few years, I haven’t been attending as many family parties outside of the ones held by my immediate family. I decided to attend this one because I’m happy for him and a lot of my cousins and uncles flew in to celebrate. I was genuinely looking forward to it.
That day rolled around, I got ready and just as I was about to head out my truck wouldn’t start. Years ago that alone would’ve been enough of an excuse to not go but I made some arrangements and made it to the reception. The venue was beautiful. They had mariachis during the cocktail hour. The father-daughter dance was un bailé folklórico. Y también llegó la Banda acompañada con los chinelos. They planned a great reception.
I saw over forty of my cousins that I haven’t seen in years. We exchanged hugs that nearly knock you over, shared memories and most importantly joked around like old times. I haven’t danced, laughed and had that much fun in awhile. We all tried to get a picture together in the photo booth and nearly knocked over the entire setup. We got it though.
The party ended late and we all stayed til it was over. The next morning a group of us went out for a late brunch. We were sharing pictures and videos of the previous night and planning the next vacation together. After we finished eating and the restaurant closed we stayed in the parking lot talking for hours until they had to leave for the airport. I needed that quality time. Glad I didn’t flake on them.
The last two weeks have had some highs and some lows. Trying to not take these good moments for granted.
xf 10.18.2023
Losing someone is hard. You’ll never get to hear that boisterous easily identifiable laugh that made everyone else laugh too. You’ll never get one of those big bear hugs with those pats on your back. You’ll never get those phone calls where they called you every name in the book until they finally got to yours. You’ll never wake up to random visits where they yell outside your window waking your neighbors but you forgive them because they brought tamales. You’ll never hear them say, “cómo está mija, páseme a su mami?”
Tragedy brings people together. It’s sad when you realize that it’s true. You all come together for the bad moments but don’t make enough of an effort to call or check in once in awhile when things are okay. Then, all of sudden, you’re spending hours together in hospitals, making sure everyone takes little breaks to eat, you’re carpooling, you’re trying to accommodate everyone that flew in town and taking turns making the morning coffee…in the middle of all the chaos you feel a sense of calm. You’re all laughing, crying and sharing memories. You’re meeting people that you only knew from old stories. You’re checking in with all the other families going through similar tough moments. You’re sharing words of encouragement. You’re hoping for the best not knowing what’s to come. You’re navigating grief together and it’s complicated.
This loss made me realize that sometimes I take life for granted. That I miss out on moments because I get too caught up in my head. That I don’t have control over everything. That grudges aren’t worth it. That I have to make important decisions about difficult but necessary life events. That no matter what has happened I can still allow myself to grow and live this one life.
So many thoughts but I can’t find the words to express it all just yet.
Until then, let someone know when you’re on your way home or if you’re running late.
& wear a helmet.
xf 10.05.2023
Life is short.
It’s kinda cliche to say but hug your loved ones tight, tell them you love them regularly and return their phone calls even when they call super late just to say hello.
Life may seem daunting and heavy at times but make the most of the time you have.
Life is too short.
xf 09.29.2023
Truly a bittersweet day witnessing Pinoe’s last game with the USWNT! I’m happy that she decided to play her last match in Chicago. I have fond memories of taking the train, bus and sometimes a cab to see her play with the Chicago Red Stars in Toyota Park. It’s nice to see how much the game has grown over the years. From playing at Toyota Park in front of 3k people to playing at Soldier Field.
I remember back in 2015 I tried buying Pinoe’s jersey before the World Cup and stores didn’t carry personalized jerseys for the USWNT, only the USMNT. After going to multiple stores, I finally found one at Sports Authority and took it to my local soccer store to get it personalized with Pinoe’s name and number. They gave me such a hard time when I requested it because they weren’t familiar with her so I had to Google the jersey so they could copy the font. I still wear that old jersey even with the name and number peeling off. lol
Anyway, Megan Rapinoe is one of a kind. She brought so much fun to the game. That Pinoe cross to Wambach in the 2011 World Cup quarterfinal game against Brazil is etched in my brain forever. I’m going to miss seeing her out there. Thanks for the memories! 🥹🫡
xf 09.24.2023
The Cure
Riot Fest 2014 / Riot Fest 2023
Humboldt Park / Douglass Park
xf 09.17.2023
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